Trying to find yourself

Trying to understand how you fit in life, and how life fits you.

Trying to be one with nature, so that peace fulfills you.

Trying to catch up with the rest, until there is only you.

When does one ever stop trying, really? We only stop when we lose the drive.

To a large extent, we are driven by something in life. Be it goals or ambitions or the latest phone or the largest collection or whatever. Drive is fuel for the soul. Drive is what I wake up with everyday as I watch a YouTube video on a quick workout. Drive is what I have when I look at the person that I love everyday. Drive helps me give my absolute best and making sure there are no imperfections. Drive helps me write.

The drive to be better is what I feel when I let myself down and I disappoint others around me. Emotions that drive you must be tempered with rational thought, planning and successive goals. That is what someone taught me.

The decisions that I’ve made and the life path that I’ve decided on are supposed to drive me further; so why isn’t it when I need it? Am I not bothered? Am I depressed? Am I living a life where I’m too comfortable in my own bubble? When the same person you care most about asks you these questions, you wonder.

And I’ve found my answer.

More than being a want, my drive has to be a NEED. It is what he has said again and again, where the need to want and the want to need are different.

I don’t care if I’ve screwed up. I don’t care if I did something unimaginably horrible.

I will fix it, because I have the drive to.

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Trying to find yourself

Introverts: Everything we’re not supposed to be…

… and yet some of us are still very much that way.

The notion that introverts are people who do not speak up, people who prefer to be loners, people who are afraid of speaking to another person…they’re all negative. I get that to make our way in the world, there are times that we have to actually talk to people. But this is getting a bit out of hand. Or is it?

Online communities have often expressed just how difficult it is to be an introvert, whether it’s in the form of comics or pictures. Memes in particular are amazing as they succinctly express the situation that someone might have gone through. To be able to understand what a complete stranger has experienced; that is the wonder of the internet. There have been comics that depict how introverts are wanting to be alone and to just enjoy that time. They know that’s how they are in life, and laugh at it. And sob at it. As much as I enjoy reading these comics, I feel that introverts are overly stereotyped.

Lecturers often prefer students who speak up in class and these students indirectly become teacher’s affections, for the lack of a better term. Almost every employer out there wants someone who actively engages in meetings and being a team player. Some people even look for extroverted traits as a requirement in their significant other! What introverts are left with are the “bottom” of the pack; we’ve basically become the bottom feeders of the vast ocean that is society.

Because people kept emphasizing the importance of speaking up, it leaves out the introverts completely. People who are unable to make their way in the world by default are people looked down by others. NEETs (Not in Education, Employment or Training) want to contribute but don’t know quite how when the system is rigged against them.

What else is there to do if the world expects nothing from you? You waste time online, relating to people with similar interests. You immerse yourself in another reality because this reality rejects you. No matter what others might say, you just do that because it’s not like they’ll readily accept you as you are.

Eventually, we don’t hear anything about introverts. We don’t know what they might be doing, or how they are doing because we don’t care. The world has become the judge of what we do and what we think. As we wander around in the eternal blackness that is space, we need to ask ourselves if we are okay with making people feel like they don’t belong.

Because I am not okay with that.

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